


Tea...Towel for Two

by danceswithgary



Category: Smallville
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Humor, M/M, Podfic, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-27
Updated: 2007-05-27
Packaged: 2017-10-04 00:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It would have been the perfect towel to take on a trip across the galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tea...Towel for Two

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 2007 Towel Day Challenge issued by me.  
> Podfic at: <http://www.audiofic.jinjurly.com/teatowel-for-two>

"Lex...um...our clothes are gone."

"Very funny, Clark. Hand me the towel so I can get out and dry off. I'm starting to resemble a prune."

"I'm serious, Lex. They're gone."

"What the...all right, ha-ha, you're a laugh a minute. Now quit fooling around and give me the towel and my clothes, Clark."

"Lex, this is where we put them, right?"

"Yeah, right on this rock by the...where the fuck is the towel?"

"That is the towel. It's the only towel that's anywhere around here. There is no other towel."

"Clark, _that_ is not a towel. That is something tourist destinations use to remind indiscriminate shoppers about _special_ attractions such as Niagara Falls, the London Eye or in your father's case, the Grand Ole Opry. The cheap ink on that ersatz tea towel is guaranteed to abrade and irritate the toughest of skin and the artwork is tacky, tasteless and..."

"Okay, Lex, I get the picture."

"No, Clark, I don't think you do. The only towel less useful in this situation would be a show towel that one hangs up in a bathroom for the sole purpose of torturing guests. That abomination would consist of cloth that is so covered with embroidery that you'd tear off your skin if you tried to use it and is utterly incapable of absorbing any water so that you end up drying off on your clothes."

"Wow, Lex, you really know your towels."

"I'd really like to _know_ the one that used to be on that rock. Do you think someone decided to play a practical joke?"

"Gee, Lex, I didn't think anyone else knew about this swimming hole. That's why I suggested it."

"I'm standing in waist-deep untreated water, naked, hoping that any hungry fish will take small bites, and wondering how the hell I let you talk me into this little foray into the wild when I have a perfectly good swimming pool."

"You said you'd never been to a swimming hole and I thought..."

"You had a towel. I saw it. It was a big towel. It would have been the perfect towel to take on a trip across the galaxy, Clark."

"You...frood..."

"Stop laughing, Clark. We now have to share a towel better suited for hanging on a diner wall and then try to get back to my car through the woods, _naked_. After that, we have to try not to ruin the leather seats and carpeting in my Ferrari with whatever disgusting substances we'll accumulate on our nature walk, while I drive us back to the castle very quickly, _naked_. Of course, that just leaves getting past my staff without being seen and upstairs where there are civilized items such as clothes and _towels_. Many large, perfectly-fluffed towels just waiting to be used in the proper fashion. In the meantime, I'll be waiting for the blackmail photos to arrive. The photos showing you and me. _Naked_. _Together_."

"Lex..."

"I'll be paying off a blackmailer and I won't even have the memory of illicit behavior to make it worthwhile. I turned my back and closed my eyes while you took off your clothes, Clark, and got into the water!"

"I didn't."

"My life totally sucks! Wait...you didn't what?"

"I didn't close my eyes while you took off your clothes and got into the water, Lex."

"What are you trying to say, Clark?"

"I wanted you out here so we could be alone. I wanted to see all of you, Lex."

"I don't understand."

"I think you do, Lex. You understand what you're doing with the pool cues and the water bottles. You understand what you're doing in your tiny little swim trunks that you immediately cover up with a towel when I meet you in the pool room. You understand _exactly_ what you're doing when you look at me as if you'd like to bite and lick your way across my chest, whenever I take my shirt off to do chores."

"Clark, I..."

"You're here and I'm here and there's not a pool cue, water bottle or swim trunks in sight. We're alone and my shirt is off, Lex, and there's no biting or licking going on."

"Clark, we can't..."

"Tell me you don't want this, Lex, and I'll walk out of here while you safely close your eyes. I'll bring back the towel and your clothes, you can walk through the woods properly _dressed_, drive home to your castle properly _dressed_, walk past your staff properly _dressed_, use your shiny shower and perfectly-fluffed towels, and then, Lex, you can sleep in your bed, _alone_."

"I'd like to negotiate a compromise."

"What did you have in mind, Lex?"

"Can I have the towel, clothes, and you?"

"Ford Prefect would be proud of you, Lex."


End file.
